Christmas. Oh how I loved Christmas growing up. The beautiful, magical lights, the warm smiles and beautiful songs, the delicious cookies. I am not ashamed to admit that I believed in Santa Claus until I was in junior high school. I would lay awake on Christmas eve listening for the jingling of his silver bells or the sound of reindeer hooves on the roof. I would tip toe out of my room early in the morning to find a doll or stuffed animal tucked under the tree just for me and I would carry it with me back to dream land until morning.
And every Christmas I can remember I have wished for snow.
Christmas can sometimes be the hardest time of year for those without children. Think of all the joy little children bring to Christmas...the delight they find in the simplest of traditions.
My cat doesn't really get the importance of the family Christmas photo.
My dog can't seem to understand why I would make so many Christmas cookies for just two people and then not let him eat some.
My sweet friends don't notice how lonely it is for us during this most joyous of seasons because they are busy (and rightly so) making memories and keeping up traditions with their own precious families.
But we aren't going down without a fight!
We have a real, amazing smelling tree each year which we carefully decorate with ornaments collected, 2 a year, as anniversary presents to each other representing something special that happened that year
We participate in a holiday choir
We go caroling
We decorate the house and watch Christmas movies
We serve at the Salvation Army
We spend time visiting others
Yet, there is still something missing...Is it the wide eyed smile of a child gazing up at a fully lit tree?
Is it the tinkling of laughter and pitter-patter of little feet as everyone races for the living room on Christmas morning? Is it sweet babes snuggled in bed as visions of sugar-plums dance in their heads?
Yes. But that is not all. I feel like we spend too much time feeling like we are not enough. Like we don't deserve the happiness and joy that others seem to have. We are afraid to have fun.
Sometimes I think of the Savior's admonition that we be like unto little children and I hear Him whispering to me, telling my heart that children find the fun and joy in life and so should we. They take no heed for the bad weather, they remain unconcerned with the fall they just took that made them cry or with the scolding and time out they received - when an opportunity for fun comes into view they race for it, hearts pounding, smiles stretched from ear to ear, grateful for the moment.
So while we are waiting, wishing and hoping for little one's to join our family of two
We will be wishing and hoping and praying for you
That together we might be able, just for a minute or three
To enjoy the feeling of being a kid at heart, knowing all the joy that this Christmas may be
*Laughter is the best medicine right? Why not laugh at my infertility?! I do not mean to offend with any of these posts, it is just a way to let go a little and see the humor in our situation. Please laugh with me!