Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Adventures in Infertility #67

#67 The Greasy Spatula

There are some things that we have been able to do, because we don't have children, that most other couples our age wouldn't have been able to do.  Some really fun things.  Some Adventurous things.  Some things we wish never happened...

When my husband was working on his undergraduate education he also worked as an alarm technician running the entire Northern California route all by himself.  On days when he needed to go to bigger cities with lots of traffic I would come along as his "car pool dummy." That way he could get to appointments quicker using the car pool lanes.

I would bring a book and listen to the radio while he fixed appointments all over the large metropolitan areas in Northern California.

Once he fixed the alarm for a recording studio in the bay area that had just had Metallica in the studio.  The guy who ran the studio saw me sitting in the car and invited me to wait in the lounge where they let all the musicians rest!  It had T.V., plush velvet couches and he even ordered take out for me!  However, that is not the story I wanted to tell today.  Today I wanted to tell you, dear reader, about a little late night adventure we had...

It all began one hot summer day.  We took off early for the bay area, him the alarm technician, me the car pool dummy.  His day was packed full of appointments in far off exotic locations like San Jose, Pleasanton, and Vacaville.  There were so many appointments that we never got a chance to eat.  We didn't have lunch and we didn't have dinner.  So when the last appointment wrapped up around 10pm and we began our long and arduous journey home we were hangry.  So hangry, in fact that we became desperate to find an open restaurant.  We could find narry a drive thru with an open window, Denny's seemed only an illusion, even all- night mini-marts seemed to be only on the other side of the freeway.  At almost midnight we pulled up to a deserted truck stop in the middle of nowhere.

Over joyed, we willed our tired bodies to to exit the car and trudge into the establishment.  A waitress smelling of stale cigarettes seated us next to the bathrooms, in the empty truck stop.  The urinal cake smell was so strong we could taste it with every breath but nothing would deter us from obtaining nourishment!

All I remember of the food that night is that I ordered a grilled cheese sandwich, for when the waitress came over we noticed she had no teeth and it all was downhill from there.

A pretty girl, even without her teeth, she quickly took our order and scampered to the back to hand it off to the cook.  A few short minutes later she arrived with our food and we dove in.  As the waitress stepped aside from our table, we noticed a man who must have been the cook coming out from behind the counter.

What happened next is the stuff only seen in movies.  We had to rub our eyes just to be sure they weren't playing tricks on us.

As the cook came into our full view we were shocked by his appearance.  Morbidly obese, his huge belly poked out of his greasy white t-shirt, making it look more like a half shirt.  His face was unshaven and moon shaped.  He squinted at us and sighed AS HE SCRATCHED HIS NAKED, CURLY HAIRED BELLY WITH A GREASY SPATULA!  One can only conclude that in a dive like this there may not be more than one spatula and, therefore, HE was scratching himself with a utensil used to make OUR food.  And if he was doing it now, in plain sight, he was probably doing it back in the kitchen while he was waiting for the cheese to melt on my sandwich!!

*Laughter is the best medicine right?  Why not laugh at my infertility?!  I do not mean to offend with any of these posts, it is just a way to let go a little and see the humor in our situation. Please laugh with me!

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