Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Adventures in Infertility #55

#55 Stalking the Stork

AKA Top 9 Ways to Annoy A Girl Who Can't Get Pregnant

1. Pregnant girls who don't care to research being pregnant.  If you are lucky enough to be pregnant then at least have the decency to act like you are interested in baby and the birth. Okay? Okay!  If I have to tell you what trimester you are in then we just can't be friends.

2.  People that have kids and are terrible at parenting.  Licensed to breed?  Nope. Letting your kid knock over all the canned goods at the grocery store and climbing up the shelves while you flirt with the bag boy?  Feeding your baby a bottle full of Mt. Dew?  Leaving your kid in the car so you can booze it up with your girlfriends?  I'm lookin' at you!

3.  People handing out retarded advice like it is free candy.  Don't tell me to just relax!  You relax.

4.  Accidental Pregnancies.  So you go catting around with your hus-band and now you are pregnant?  We have a word for people like you...MOM.

5.  Pregnancy tests - they are always so NEGATIVE. If I wanted to feel badly about myself I would, well, take a pregnancy test.

6. Girls pretending to be infertile.  Will the real slim shady please stand up?  A few months of trying does not an infertile make.  Don't whine about how you were once infertile for 6 months.  Just don't.

7.  Pregnant girls who don't look pregnant but feign getting fat.  How about I share some of my "get-fat-quick" fertility medication with you and then we will see who is crying about how their jeans don't button anymore!

8.  Get Preggo Quick Girls.  What's that you say? You just had a baby and now you are pregnant again?  Well I wonder how that happened.  Ha ha ha.  Ha.

9.  People who whine, "I just fold my husband's underwear and I get pregnant!"  If you don't like it then stop doing the laundry!  I hate folding clothes, maybe that's why we can't have kids.

*Laughter is the best medicine right?  Why not laugh at my infertility?!  I do not mean to offend with any of these posts, it is just a way to let go a little and see the humor in our situation. Please laugh with me!


Sharee and Arthur said...

ha! I like your one about those negative pregnancy tests! :)

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