Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Adventures in Infertility #52

#52 Raising Money For Adoption

{Question:  What do YOU think about Fundraising for Adoption?}

Some friends are in the process of adopting two children internationally. Early on, they had a garage sale with the proceeds going toward the adoption. I was excited for them and wanted to help.
However, this was soon followed by more requests — for yard sale donations, two more garage sales, the “opportunity” to buy expensive coffee online, a fundraising dinner and then a solicitation to provide a “virtual shower” of plane ticket money.
I have never been asked for money for the same thing in so many different ways in such a short time. I am increasingly disgusted and put off by their continued pleas for money. Am I wrong to be so upset about this? — A Little Ticked Off

Recently, a family member of ours was telling us about a few couples she knows from church who are funding their adoptions through a website called Go Fund Me where people can make donations to reach a goal.  She suggested we do the same and even offered to manage it all for us.

When I think about adoption it makes me have anxiety and want to eat Ben and Jerry's.  

Something so beautiful, something we want so much, something that COSTS SO MUCH MONEY. The graphic below is from 2009, costs have significantly increased since then but it gives you a good idea.  From talking to experts and friends, church adoption is about half the cost.

I don't know how people do it.  Where do they get the money?  I know after trying infertility treatments we have very little money left over, much less the tens of thousands of dollars it costs to adopt. (For various reasons, the virtually free Foster-to-Adopt programs are not for us at this point and time).

Then I think about everyone I know personally who has adopted (privately and through the church) or had successful infertility treatments and I am reminded of ALL the financial help they received from others along the way.  The grandparents who left money, the parents who refinanced houses, the brothers and sisters who took up a collection.  These are not options for us.  Yet, we still don't know how we would feel asking people to contribute so that we can have a family.  Heck, we felt guilty registering for gifts for our wedding.  

In fact, we didn't even register for a complete set of dishes at Target because the Aussie thought it was too much to ask of people and he was shocked that our registry printed out to 5 pages.

Would we be free loaders?  

Would people hold it against us or think badly of us just for asking?  

Who would even donate to these kinds of things?  

Is it wrong?

Is it the only way?  We aren't getting any younger.

Would people enjoy knowing they helped us to have a family?

We don't know.   We have been thinking about it ever since it was mentioned to us.  

WHAT DO YOU THINK?  Please be honest.  We are not easily offended and genuinely would like your opinion.

*Laughter is the best medicine right?  Why not laugh at my infertility?!  I do not mean to offend with any of these posts, it is just a way to let go a little and see the humor in our situation. Please laugh with me!


jals153 said...

I think your adoption journey is a better cause than most of the causes hitting me up for money. I would not be offended if asked to contribute.

Alicia said...

We did a yard sale for adoption fundraising and I thought it turned out great. I think what was more important than the money we raised was the awareness that we raised. We were so impressed with the support we received from our community. So many people came and shared their stories. And I think that so many people want to help but don't always know how. We asked people to donate items. We were overwhelmed by the support.
With our son, we were able to adopt through word of mouth and since we have been trying to adopt again we want everyone to know that we are hoping to adopt again and the yard sale was a great way to do that. Good luck!