Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Adventures in Infertility #44

#44  Preoccupied With Pee

I have never been so preoccupied with my own pee than while trying to get pregnant.

When to do it, how long to do it, how often to do it. The instructions in the box of a home pregnancy test go into excruciating detail about how long to time your pee-on-the-stick, leaving me to wonder each and every time if I somehow timed it wrong...with my wristwatch, my stopwatch and my wall clock. Did I pee too long?  Was it not enough?  Maybe I drank too much water and diluted it?  Maybe my stream was too forceful after all that water?  Maybe it needed more force to really get it up on the test stick?  There are just too many variables.

Back and forth I go...

Should I pee in a cup and soak the stick? Ew...what cup should I use?  What do I do with the cup when I'm done with it?

Should I use the direct stream method? Get ready for splash back!

Once I've decided on a method, peed, timed myself peeing and waited the excruciating minutes to look and see if it is a double blue lined test (YAY!!) or a single, lonely, blue line (Boo!) then I have to do it again because, let's face it, it might be a false negative.

And let's check the one in the trash can eight one more time just to be sure that sneaky blue line didn't just need an hour or ten a minute or two more to materialize.

*Laughter is the best medicine right?  Why not laugh at my infertility?!  I do not mean to offend with any of these posts, it is just a way to let go a little and see the humor in our situation. Please laugh with me!

1 comment:

Laura said...

I just took a test last week where I was praying that I wouldn't have to go on a diet because my clothes aren't fitting all that well and maternity clothes have that stretchy waist... Yeah, I have to go on a diet :(
As for the science of peeing on a stick, I have never gotten a positive on a cheap dollar store pregnancy test so I argue with my superstitions every time I take one... Do I spend the big bucks to maybe get a positive or just buy the dollar store one and confirm the bad news I already know.