Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Adventures in Infertility #31

 #31 Mythbusters!

Myth: Boobies = Babies

When I was in high school I was skinny.  Not just skinny. Not pretty, model skinny.  Awkward, unattractive skinny.  Skinny. I was 5'9" tall and only 110-115 lbs. Taller than a lot of the boys which is why I thought none of them ever wanted to dance with me at dances or ask me out on dates.  It couldn't have been that I had a personality like Margaret on Dennis the Menace, right?

Being tall was awful, I felt like big bird sometimes.  Luckily I made the best of friends with an amazing girl who was much taller than me. But height, as it turns out, was the least of my worries.

So to recap:  Skinny- knob kneed, boy-body, ugly duckling skinny and tall.

So, wouldn't 'cha know? In all my teenage angst I found a new worry to occupy my time. My flat chest.

  • I was so flat chested it looked like I had taped two skittles under my shirt.
  • I was so flat chested that guys would rub a flat wall as I passed and say "Amber is that you?" Ha.
  • I was so flat chested mosquitoes scoffed at the shoddy workmanship.
  • Colonel Sanders had bigger breasts than me.
  • I was a carpenter's delight. Flat as a board.

But who cares right?  Well, teenage ME!  My worry progressed into wondering if I wouldn't ever be able to get someone to like me or marry me so I would finally get to have babies.  According to my lack of knowledge and inexperience it seemed to me all the women I knew who had a husband also had babies boobies.  It was a Catch 22.  I would never be able to catch a man because I didn't have tatas and I would never get them, I feared, unless I was married and had a baby and therefore a visit from the bazoombas fairy.

These are the worries of my teenage mind.

Well here I am many, many years later.  Married but still without kids.  But good news!!  No longer am I the girl who's cup size was punctuation (Ba dum cha! Get it? Not a letter.  Punctuation?).  And after much calculation...

I have proven that Boobies do NOT = Babies!  Boom Busted!
*Don't you worry all you skinny, flat chested girls out there!  Everything gets better in college :)  In High School I still had one or two smart and handsome boys who liked me and looking back they were the cream of the crop.  I don't know why they liked me, but I like to think they liked me for me.  I met some pretty cool guys in college too and kept the best one just for me!

And he was super RAD in high school!

*Laughter is the best medicine right?  Why not laugh at my infertility?!  I do not mean to offend with any of these posts, it is just a way to let go a little and see the humor in our situation. Please laugh with me!