Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Adventures in Infertility #10

#10  Hold On, It's Going to Be a Slippery Ride!!!

Going from the waiting room of the fertility doctor's office to the exam room is always a little frustrating.  I always have two questions running through my mind.

#1  How long will I wait in the exam room before the Dr. gets here?
#2 How long will I have to be pants-less?

The latter making the former seem just that much longer.

Why does time creep by when you are separated from your pants? Is it the florescent lighting?  Is it the elevator music?  Is it the solitary time spent wondering who else in this vast world has spent so much time without their beloved pants? And what kind of cheapskate came up with a Paper Gown anyway?

Doesn't the Dr. know that you and your uterus are aging by the second? You go in a 34 year old woman and you will come out a cranky 60 year old.  You imagine your vision is starting to go as you warp through the aging process.  You adjust yourself on the crinkly paper.  Might as well stop by the Walgreens on your way home and pick up some Milk of Magnesia, and some assorted hard candies you think. Crinkle.  Crinkle.  And "Oh look at the time!" It is almost time for supper (3:45pm).  You can hear your ovaries ticking off the seconds.

I can't help but wonder that with all the improvements going on in the world today why has this waiting process stayed the same?

I feel like this should be a Disneyland-type operation.  You get into the ride car - I am picturing something like the Haunted Mansion's black, safety bar equipped, spinning seats affectionately called "Doombuggies". Completely private of course?  Sure.  Why not! . You careen around the office making stops at the front desk, the magazine rack, then on to the exam room.  You whiz up to the Dr.  and somehow you are already in your fabulous paper gown (Disney magic).  He does a quick check and chat.  And in five minutes you are comfortably back in your pants and on your way.  They could even do a fast pass system for offices that are running late!

Now that is worth $450 a visit!

 *Laughter is the best medicine right?  Why not laugh at my infertility?!  I do not mean to offend with any of these posts, it is just a way to let go a little and see the humor in our situation. Please laugh with me!


McEntire Family said...

This doesn't just happen in the fertility doctors office! :) Time does go slowly when you aren't fully clothed on a table with your feet dangling over the sides making you feel small and annoyed! :)

Sharee and Arthur said...

Ha! Love it. Time does slow down when you're in a dr.'s office without pants. That is truth.